Amy grew up with good parents who cared for her and taught
her good morals and respect. She was a straight A student and stayed out of
trouble. When she graduated high school,
she left home and went off to college where she continued to do very good. While in college, she met a handsome and
charming young man named Bill. He was
polite, funny, and always complemented Amy.
Oh the complements. Bill poured
out complements to Amy all the time. He
told her that he looked up to her and told her that she is a very smart
woman. He put her on a pedestal and
treated her like a princess. It didn't
take long before Bill and Amy was a couple.
They spent all their free time together and Amy knew she had found her
dream man. She loved him with all her
heart. After graduation they both got
good jobs, got married, and bought a place together. Bill didn't want Amy to have to worry about
anything so he took care of all the bills and finances. He even got a very good job and told Amy that
she didn't have to work outside the house.
He took care of everything for her.
She was living a dream. Shortly
after having their first child, Bill told Amy that he wanted to move to a
different state and away from their friends and family. Amy didn't feel comfortable about moving to a
place where they would have to start over and were they wouldn't know
anyone. She also didn't like that he
would be leaving his job. But she loved
Bill and trusted him, so they moved. Amy
was busy with the child and things in the new house so she never had time to
meet new people. She felt that she had
no support or help. Shortly after
moving, Bill was pointing out every mistake she made and started making her
feel bad. Slowly, she started feeling
worthless, like she couldn't do anything without him. He was even criticizing her and undermining
her in front of their child. If she told the child to do something, he would
tell the child not to do it and that his mom was stupid. One day Bill got home
and Amy didn't have dinner ready. He got
bad and slapped her. This was the first time he hit her. She was shocked and started to cry. He
apologized and told her that he had a bad day and he will not hit her
again. It wasn’t long though before he
got mad at her because he found a dirty plate and threw the plate at her. The hitting and yelling started becoming a
regular thing. Hope came to Amy
though. She found out that she was
pregnant and she began to think that the baby will change Bill. That didn’t happen though. With the new child, Bill became more
controlling and abusive. Amy now felt that this life was all she had. She felt that she couldn’t leave because she needed Bill to
take care of her. She feels that she can’t do anything without her husband.
Greetings in the name of our Lord and Savior Jesus
Christ. How is everyone doing? I pray that y’all find this blog in good
health and spirits. I am currently at Alco in Pawhuska, OK. I have to deliver here tomorrow morning and
have two more deliveries after I am done here.
After I have made all of my deliveries, I get to go home for a 4 day
weekend. YAY!!!
I have been wanting to do this blog for a very long
time. Recently, a few things happened
that finally pushed me to write it. One
thing was when my wife called me and suggested that I write a blog along this
topic. It shocked me because I never
told my wife about my plan to write the blog. That was a sign to me that I need
to write this blog.
The story I told above is based on stories I have been told
by some of women I knew who were abused.
I made the names up and I generalized the story, but the steps that led
to the young women becoming abused are the same in every case I have
heard. When people hear that volunteered
as a child advocate and have worked with abused women, they often ask why
anyone would remain in an abusive relationship. Some have even said that there
is something wrong with a person who willingly remains with a spouse who is
abusive. It is easy to question why
someone would stay in an abusive relationship when we either have never been in
one or don’t think we are in an abusive relationship. That is correct, I said “if we don’t think we
are in an abusive relationship.” It is
possible to think you are not in an abusive relationship and yet be in
one. To tell you the truth, the majority
of us are vulnerable to abuse. We just
don’t want to think we are.
Those that want to control others and “own” them are
actually extremely smart. The method of
control I describe in the story above is actually the most common methods
used. Controlling people will not just
go up to someone and say, “I am going to control and abuse you. If you don’t let me, I will use force to make
you.” It is a process that requires
patients and knowledge of human nature but the victim will become a willing
slave and won’t fight it. Most victims never even report it or try to leave the
relationship.
This form of control and abuse is not new. It has been used for many years and around
the globe. It is so effective because we
all have a huge flaw. That flaw is human
nature. It is human nature to want to be
loved, taken care of, and to have no responsibilities. We are willing to give up freedom for
security. It is this part of human
nature that some people take advantage of.
First, make the person feel special and gain your trust. Make them believe that you care about them
and that you are looking out for them.
Once trust is established, take away their ability to do things on their
own by providing for them. Give them the
things they need to survive, like food, shelter, and clothes so that they don’t
have to provide for themselves. Next,
make the person feel that they are worthless and that they can’t survive
without you. Attacking their self-esteem
is very important because it is what will make them dependent on you and will
lock them into the relationship. Once
this is done, you can do anything you want to them.
Individual relationships isn't the only place where this
method of control and abuse is used.
Cults use this method all of the time.
Think about it, a cult depends on people JOINING so they never use force
to get their victims. The only
difference is that they are doing it on a larger scale and need to make sure
that everyone is convinced that they are looking out for the groups’ best
interest. Another place where this method of control and abuse takes place may
shock y’all. It is in governments. That is correct; dictators use this method to
gain power. Take a look at history. While some dictators have used wars to take
control, most have come into power without the use of weapons. They get into government and then convince
the people that they are looking out for their personal interest. Many of these dictators are even voted into
power by the people and even re-elected time and time again. See why I say that
the majority of people are vulnerable to abuse?
This is why I don’t look to humans to take care of me, I look to God. Take care and God Bless.
Love,
The Oklahoma Tomcat.
www.twitter.com/oktomcat
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