Tuesday, February 18, 2014


Oklahoma Considering Separation Of Marriage & State (VIDEO):     http://tiny.cc/140218d

Greetings in the name of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.  How is everyone doing?  I pray that this blog finds everyone in good health and spirits.  I am currently in Winfield, KS on my way to Abilene, KS.  I just got back on the road after taking three wonderful days at home.  Monday was the anniversary of Paula and my wedding.  We have been married eight wonderful years.  It is so hard to believe that we have been married that long.  It feels like we just got married. Loving her is so fun and easy.  I love her to death.

Today, I want to talk about marriage.  I have asked people many times, "Why get married?"  "What is marriage?"  and many other questions like that and it is amazing that no one has been able to answer it.  Here is a better one, "Why should government be involved?"  I have posted on facebook, twitter, and even briefly blogged that government should be out of the marriage business.  I was so happy when last month, Oklahoma law makers started talking about getting state government out of marriage.  I back this idea 100%.  Marriage is a private and personal matter.  Who is government to grant people permission to marry anyway?  Are they some kind of moral compass when it comes to marriage?  What does it matter anyway if the government tells a couple they can't marry?  If two people wants to live as a couple, they will do it with or without the government.  So, it isn't like the government is stopping anything.  Government has hurt marriage by making it a public and legal matter.  Today, most people look at marriage as nothing more than a contract or a way to get more benefits.  Because of this, people get married for the wrong reasons and end up getting divorced.  There is absolutely no reason government needs to be involved in marriage.  People can and should get married in their own way using whatever ceremony they want and having whoever they feels has authorization to marry them.

To make my point about government making marriage nothing more than a legal matter, I heard someone making the case as to why marriage has to be regulated by government on the radio today.  I guess this issue has gained in popularity nationally.  The person said that if two people get married without government, has children, shares money, and gets a divorce, who gets the children and the money if one person is a Catholic and the other becomes Atheist?  They were both Catholic when they got married but now the other has changed to atheist.  Everyone, raise your hands if you know two people who live together, have children, and then separate.  What did they do when they separated and didn't agree on money, house, or kids?  Go to court, right?  Why can't that happen when two people get married privately?  There really isn't any difference now between a legal marriage and two people who live together as if they are married.  Those of you who are playing house and have children, if you two separate, you will have to go through the same thing as two people who divorce.  So really, we will not have to change anything when it comes to divorce if government gets out of marriage.  The only difference is that people will not have to ask for the government for permission to divorce because government will not recognize the marriage.

When it comes to benefits, government shouldn't be promoting marriage in any way shape or form.  People shouldn't be rewarded by the government for getting married.  Marriage should be personal and the reward should only be the marriage.  If a couple is only getting married for the financial or other physical rewards, they shouldn't be getting married at all.  They shouldn't even be living together because that isn't true love.  Married people shouldn't be treated differently by the government than single people either.

If you support government getting out of marriage, please contact your repressentatives in Washington and in your state. If you have any questions, feel free to comment the questions in this blog, on facebook (oktomcat), or on twitter (oktomcat).  Take care and God Bless.

The Oklahoma Tomcat

Thursday, February 13, 2014


Amy grew up with good parents who cared for her and taught her good morals and respect. She was a straight A student and stayed out of trouble.  When she graduated high school, she left home and went off to college where she continued to do very good.  While in college, she met a handsome and charming young man named Bill.  He was polite, funny, and always complemented Amy.  Oh the complements.  Bill poured out complements to Amy all the time.  He told her that he looked up to her and told her that she is a very smart woman.  He put her on a pedestal and treated her like a princess.  It didn't take long before Bill and Amy was a couple.  They spent all their free time together and Amy knew she had found her dream man.  She loved him with all her heart.  After graduation they both got good jobs, got married, and bought a place together.  Bill didn't want Amy to have to worry about anything so he took care of all the bills and finances.  He even got a very good job and told Amy that she didn't have to work outside the house.  He took care of everything for her.  She was living a dream.  Shortly after having their first child, Bill told Amy that he wanted to move to a different state and away from their friends and family.  Amy didn't feel comfortable about moving to a place where they would have to start over and were they wouldn't know anyone.  She also didn't like that he would be leaving his job.  But she loved Bill and trusted him, so they moved.  Amy was busy with the child and things in the new house so she never had time to meet new people.  She felt that she had no support or help.  Shortly after moving, Bill was pointing out every mistake she made and started making her feel bad.  Slowly, she started feeling worthless, like she couldn't do anything without him.  He was even criticizing her and undermining her in front of their child. If she told the child to do something, he would tell the child not to do it and that his mom was stupid. One day Bill got home and Amy didn't have dinner ready.  He got bad and slapped her. This was the first time he hit her.  She was shocked and started to cry. He apologized and told her that he had a bad day and he will not hit her again.  It wasn’t long though before he got mad at her because he found a dirty plate and threw the plate at her.  The hitting and yelling started becoming a regular thing.  Hope came to Amy though.  She found out that she was pregnant and she began to think that the baby will change Bill.  That didn’t happen though.  With the new child, Bill became more controlling and abusive. Amy now felt that this life was all she had.  She felt that she couldn’t leave because she needed Bill to take care of her. She feels that she can’t do anything without her husband.

Greetings in the name of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.  How is everyone doing?  I pray that y’all find this blog in good health and spirits. I am currently at Alco in Pawhuska, OK.  I have to deliver here tomorrow morning and have two more deliveries after I am done here.  After I have made all of my deliveries, I get to go home for a 4 day weekend.  YAY!!!

I have been wanting to do this blog for a very long time.  Recently, a few things happened that finally pushed me to write it.  One thing was when my wife called me and suggested that I write a blog along this topic.  It shocked me because I never told my wife about my plan to write the blog. That was a sign to me that I need to write this blog.

The story I told above is based on stories I have been told by some of women I knew who were abused.  I made the names up and I generalized the story, but the steps that led to the young women becoming abused are the same in every case I have heard.  When people hear that volunteered as a child advocate and have worked with abused women, they often ask why anyone would remain in an abusive relationship. Some have even said that there is something wrong with a person who willingly remains with a spouse who is abusive.  It is easy to question why someone would stay in an abusive relationship when we either have never been in one or don’t think we are in an abusive relationship.  That is correct, I said “if we don’t think we are in an abusive relationship.”  It is possible to think you are not in an abusive relationship and yet be in one.  To tell you the truth, the majority of us are vulnerable to abuse.  We just don’t want to think we are.

Those that want to control others and “own” them are actually extremely smart.  The method of control I describe in the story above is actually the most common methods used.  Controlling people will not just go up to someone and say, “I am going to control and abuse you.  If you don’t let me, I will use force to make you.”   It is a process that requires patients and knowledge of human nature but the victim will become a willing slave and won’t fight it. Most victims never even report it or try to leave the relationship. 

This form of control and abuse is not new.  It has been used for many years and around the globe.  It is so effective because we all have a huge flaw.  That flaw is human nature.  It is human nature to want to be loved, taken care of, and to have no responsibilities.  We are willing to give up freedom for security.  It is this part of human nature that some people take advantage of.  First, make the person feel special and gain your trust.  Make them believe that you care about them and that you are looking out for them.  Once trust is established, take away their ability to do things on their own by providing for them.  Give them the things they need to survive, like food, shelter, and clothes so that they don’t have to provide for themselves.  Next, make the person feel that they are worthless and that they can’t survive without you.  Attacking their self-esteem is very important because it is what will make them dependent on you and will lock them into the relationship.  Once this is done, you can do anything you want to them.

Individual relationships isn't the only place where this method of control and abuse is used.  Cults use this method all of the time.  Think about it, a cult depends on people JOINING so they never use force to get their victims.  The only difference is that they are doing it on a larger scale and need to make sure that everyone is convinced that they are looking out for the groups’ best interest. Another place where this method of control and abuse takes place may shock y’all.  It is in governments.  That is correct; dictators use this method to gain power.  Take a look at history.  While some dictators have used wars to take control, most have come into power without the use of weapons.  They get into government and then convince the people that they are looking out for their personal interest.  Many of these dictators are even voted into power by the people and even re-elected time and time again. See why I say that the majority of people are vulnerable to abuse?  This is why I don’t look to humans to take care of me, I look to God.  Take care and God Bless.


The Oklahoma Tomcat.